


Adrenaline

by expelled_sleep_demon



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Child Abuse, Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24712120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/expelled_sleep_demon/pseuds/expelled_sleep_demon
Summary: Jason's past pain is revealed through his actions.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 84





	1. Take Your Son to Work Day

“You’re hurting me!” Willis grabbed Jason's arm and dragged him down the stairs and out of the apartment building. “Let me go,” he whispered. He was too afraid to yell in the open. He knew better. “Please.” Tears welled up in his eyes and he turned his head so the man couldn’t see.  
  
He shook him, “Stop it! Stop it… Take it.” He tried to force a gun into the boy’s hands and he shook his head.  
  
“No,” Jason pleaded. He took Jason’s face in his hand and forced Jason to look at him.  
  
“Don’t wuss out on me now… And stop crying. We talked about this,” he whispered. He eased up for a moment and backed away just enough to let him breathe but not enough to let him run.  
  
Jason nodded. He didn’t want to, but he didn’t have much of a choice. “But Dad… I don’t want to hurt anybody…” His father knelt in front of him and smiled.  
  
“You don’t have to. Do things just as we practiced. One in the air if they give your old man too much trouble. No one gets hurt. Then we go back to the car, and we go home. Okay?” Jason nodded. “Then we’ll get something to eat.” He took Jason’s hand and led him to the car and put him in a car seat before handing him the gun.  
  
“I didn’t say goodbye to Mommy,” Jason whispered. He shifted in his seat to try and see if she was standing at the window, but he couldn’t see past Willis.  
  
“We’ll be right back,” Willis reassured before closing the door and sitting in the driver’s seat. Jason kicked his feet and looked out of the window. “Put your mask on Bubba, we're almost there.” He pulled the ski mask over his face and went back to looking out the window.  
  
“Dad, we’re not gonna hurt anybody… Right,” Jason asked. He could feel the energy in the car change as soon as he asked that. His father sighed and pulled the car over.  
  
“I told you as long as you do what you’re supposed to nobody’s gonna get hurt. You gonna do what I told you to do,” his voice was harsh. Jason nodded. “Just like we practiced.” He got out of the car and by the time he came around to the sidewalk Jason was out of his carseat and the gun was concealed in his hoodie pocket. Willis walked several feet ahead of him and kicked the door in and he started yelling. Jason looked at the people’s faces in the building and he saw a woman holding a little boy close to her. Willis was up at the register before Jason could blink and the woman at the register couldn’t hide her fear. She started to open the register and despite her compliance, Willis hit her with his gun. In that same time, a security guard made a move towards Willis and Jason fired a single shot into the air and they both made their way to the car with the money and Jason lay on the floor of the backseat while Willis got in the driver’s seat and sped off.  
  
“You said we wouldn’t hurt anybody!” Jason had tears in his eyes.  
  
“Stop crying and pay attention! I’m gonna ditch the car up the block, we’re gonna take our masks off, and you’re going to take this money and order dinner. I’ll come back and pick you up in a different car.”  
  
“Are you gonna come in and get me?” Willis hit a speed bump and kept going before taking a sharp turn and letting Jason out of the car. He tossed their masks.  
  
“You’re a big boy. You know how to order food,” Willis whispered and handed him some cash. “You know what Mommy likes to eat?” Jason nodded. “Good.” He sent Jason off to the restaurant across the street and Jason looked back only once to gauge the look on his father’s face before crossing the street and entering the restaurant. The man at the register greeted Jason when he came in. The smell of food helped him push the thought of what his father did into the back of his mind.  
  
“Do you know what you want to eat little fella?” Jason looked up at the menu above the man’s head and after a while he nodded.  
  
“Tater tots, two mac and cheese, a chicken sandwich…” The man stood there for a moment quietly.  
  
“Anything else?” Jason nodded.  
  
“My mommy likes the chicken wrap and the onion rings… And the big strawberry soda,” Jason whispered. The man looked a little hesitant to serve Jason. “How much?” The man gave him his total and he paid the man. Jason looked at the cake sitting up on the counter underneath a glass cloche and the man looked at him.  
  
“Do you want a piece of cake?” Jason shook his head. He didn’t want to spend any more money than he already had and the man went back to the kitchen and Jason stood on the wall waiting for a while and the man came out with a large doggy bag and the two-liter soda and Jason took them and carried the meal outside and waited until a car pulled up and the window rolled down.  
  
“I put your seat in the car. Come on.” Jason handed him the soda through the window and got in the car and buckled himself in. “What’d you get me?”  
  
“Chicken sandwich and mac and cheese,” Jason whispered. He nodded and the rest of the ride was silent and as soon as they got home Catherine swung the door open and grabbed Jason.  
  
“I told you I didn’t want him coming with you,” she yelled and Jason pulled at her pant leg.  
  
“Mommy, we got dinner.” He didn’t want them to argue. He just wanted to have dinner. He just wanted things to be calm for once.  
  
“You can start eating without us baby,” she whispered and Jason shook his head.  
  
“Mommy I want to eat with you,” he whispered. She took a deep breath and shot Willis a look before following Jason to the kitchen island. She let him sit on her lap as they opened the bag and Jason immediately dug into his mac and cheese. She kissed the top of his head and smiled as she pulled her food out of the bag. She ate a little bit and put her food to the side, and Jason put his fork down. “Mommy aren’t you hungry?” She forced a smile and he saw right through it. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Nothing Jay. I’m just a little thirsty.” Willis came around the other side of the kitchen island and slammed a cup down on and poured her a glass of soda. Jason didn’t look up at him. He was too used to what was to come. His father sat down and started eating.  
  
“You’re welcome Cate.” She didn’t say anything, she just went back to eating. Jason put straws in the cup and took a sip before finishing his food. Willis’s eyes never left Catherine as he ate and his anger seemed to fill up the room until without any warning he stood up, walked around the island, and hit Catherine so hard it knocked both her and Jason out the chair and the gun went off. Willis cursed at the sound and Catherine let out a shriek after burning her finger on the muzzle trying to get it away from Jason and he burst into tears.  
  
“Thank god,” Catherine wept as she held him tight in her embrace and rocked back and forth.  
  
“Go to bed I wanna talk to your mother,” Willis whispered. Jason couldn’t move. He sat there shaking in Catherine’s arms. “Put on your pajamas and go to bed!” He yanked Jason from Catherine and sent him off to the bathroom, almost throwing him and the fighting began. Jason changed into his pajamas and stood at the bathroom door as he listened to his parents argue.  
  
“You could’ve killed him! Why the hell was it in his pocket?”  
  
“I forgot it was there! Maybe if you didn’t make me so angry after I did you a favor-.”  
  
“You did me a favor? Really? Because I don’t think taking our six-year-old son out and on a job with you is doing me a favor! What if something happened to him? Huh?”  
  
“Nothing was gonna happen! He did what I told him to do-.”  
  
“Yeah, because none of your partners died on jobs-.” Jason jumped at the sound of her body hitting the ground. It was a sound he knew very well, but this time it didn’t stop. He could hear his father’s punches land one after the other and he started to cry at the sound of his mother sobbing.  
  
“Think I’m a shitty father? Huh? Think I don’t do right by you,” he yelled as Catherine cried and begged him to stop. Jason couldn’t do anything but listen helplessly. It made his stomach hurt. After the room grew quiet, Jason went to see after his mother and helped her to bed. He ran his hand through her hair trying to stop her tears. He didn’t sleep that night, he lay next to her and listened to her breathing.


	2. Welcome Committee

Once Jason pulled an unloaded gun on a man who hit his mom, and the man laughed at him. He said, “You don’t have it in you,”, and he looked into the barrel and laughed even harder. Jason let him walk out, gave him some time to leave, and picked up a wooden bat and followed the man to his car. Jason hit him over and over again. He didn’t care that the man was screaming, Jason didn’t care that he was already down. When he was done with the man he took the bat and bust the man’s windshield and every window in his car and went back upstairs and put a blanket over his mom. He sat with his back against the couch and stared at the wall and pushed the thought of what he just did into the back of his mind.  
  
“It wasn’t like I killed him,” Jason thought, “I wasn’t trying to.” He jumped at the feeling of his mother’s hand in his hair.  
  
“You’re such a sweet boy,” she whispered. He couldn’t look at her, because he had tears in his eyes.  
  
“Mom,” he mumbled, “Are you okay?” He let his tears fall, there was no man around to hit him for it. There was no man around to hit either of them anymore.  
  
She made an affirmative noise and asked, “Are you tired?” He nodded. “I’m okay… Go to bed Jay.” He nodded and lay on the mattress across from her, and unplugged the lamp. She didn’t say anything else to him that night. He couldn’t sleep. He watched her in the dark, made sure she was breathing alright, and he put his blanket over her when she started to look cold.  
  
He could hear his father’s voice telling him he was weak, and that he was a Mama’s Boy, but it didn’t hurt as much as it did when his father was saying it in the flesh. He stayed awake so long he started to fall asleep sitting up, and he heard someone coming in the front door. It startled him, but not enough for him to freeze up. As soon as the door opened just enough, he swung his bat as hard as he could and the figure in the dark caught it and gave him a pat on the head. “Nice to see you too Pete,” Willis’s voice was enough to make him drop the bat and back away. Still, he was more disappointed than afraid.  
  
“But-.”  
  
“Thought I’d surprise you,” he smiled. He plugged the light back in. “Catherine.” He walked up to the couch and crouched down in front of her. “Cate.” He tapped her nose and she jumped at the sight of him.  
  
“What time is it,” she asked. Jason opened the curtains a little.  
  
“Six-thirty maybe seven,” he whispered, “Jay look what I found you.” He pulled a twenty out of his pocket. Jason took it and stood there.  
  
“I don’t want him going on jobs with you… He’s doing good right now,” Catherine whispered and she motioned for Jason to come sit with her.  
  
“It’s different now. I got some work, and Jason won’t have to do jobs with me anymore. Things are looking up,” he smiled. Jason put the money in his pocket and looked Willis in the eye. “Promise.”  
  
It really was different after that, he meant what he said when he told Catherine that Jason wouldn’t have to do jobs with him anymore. Still, it didn’t make things any better at home for them. Whenever Willis came home he’d be all keyed up and intense, most of the time his knuckles were all cut up like he was just in a fight. It didn’t matter what Catherine or Jason did, or didn’t do. It always ended the same. Willis would come in, and if dinner wasn’t ready he’d hit whoever was closest to him. If he didn’t hit them and they flinched he would hit them for treating him like he was the ‘bad guy’. In a lot of ways, he was worse. It was like he couldn’t rest until he could take a shot at them.  
  
Things got so bad that Jason would stay home from school, because he didn’t want his teacher to ask questions. When the school would call, Catherine would say he was really sick. On those days, Jason would stay home and try to do whatever he could to ease the tension. He’d make dinner, he’d tidy up, whatever he thought Willis wanted. Even still, Willis would come home, look around and say, “Didn’t realize I was raising a housewife.”  
  
“Leave him alone Willis, he’s just trying to do something nice for you,” Catherine’s face unafraid of what was to come.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Jason apologized to keep him from hitting her, “Mom cooked, she just asked me to take the food out of the oven when you came.” Willis pushed him out of the way and made himself a plate.  
  
“What’d you do all day?” He looked at Jason and he stood there stunned for a moment. “Well?”  
  
“Caught up on my math homework,” Jason answered. Willis started to eat and sucked his teeth.  
  
“Good beef,” he mumbled, “You two gonna eat, or are you just gonna sit there watching me?” Jason made his mother’s plate and then his own and they sat at the kitchen island across from Willis. Catherine started to eat, but Jason picked over his food for a little while before he started to eat. “Something’s off…”  
  
Jason looked up at him and Catherine took a deep breath. “It’s Jason’s birthday. He’s ten.” Willis slammed his fork down.  
  
“Well I’ll be damned, wouldn’t that mean you’re in the fifth grade now,” Willis smiled. Jason nodded.  
  
“I start the fifth grade next week,” Jason answered.  
  
“Happy birthday Pete.” Jason forced a smile on his face.  
  
“Thanks Pop.” Willis chuckled.  
  
“You’re ten,” Willis repeated in shock, “Catherine, why didn’t you say so earlier?” Willis dug in his pocket and gave Jason a fifty dollar bill. “Double digits.” Jason relaxed a little and Catherine pressed a kiss to the top of his head.  
  
“Happy birthday Jay.” Jason gave her a little smile and they went back to eating.  
  
Things were quiet a little longer than usual after that, and Catherine seemed to be doing better. It wasn’t for more than a couple of days though.  
  
Jason got sick. He didn’t get sick often, but when he did all it did was light the fuse that was his parents. He woke up on the couch and immediately tried to open the window. Willis grabbed his wrist and let go as soon as he felt how warm Jason was. He felt Jason’s forehead. Jason pulled away and tried to get the window open. “Your throat hurt,” he asked. Jason nodded. “Let me see. Come on, say ah.” Jason shook his head. “I won’t use my fingers, I’ll give you a sucker.” Jason nodded and Willis went in the kitchen drawer and came back and Jason opened his mouth. Willis used the sucker as a tongue depressor and looked around in his mouth. “Here you go Bubba.” He rubbed Jason’s forehead with his thumb. Catherine got up from the mattress and pulled her hair back.  
  
“What’s wrong Jay,” his mother asked. Jason sat up next to his father.  
  
“He’s sick. I’m gonna go out and get him some tea,” Willis whispered, “Make sure he leaves that window alone, and make him some soup or something. Make yourself useful.” Catherine sighed and waited until Willis left the apartment to sit next to Jason.  
  
“What does he know? Huh,” she teased, “He’s right about one thing. You need to eat a little something.” Jason shook his head.  
  
“Nuh uh. ‘M not hungry,” he mumbled. Catherine made a little noise and went to open a can of soup.  
  
“We’ll both have a little bit. You can have a couple of crackers too, okay?” His mother wouldn’t look at him. He knew how much she worried when he was sick. He knew it had something to do with how sick he was as a baby. They never talked much about it, but he heard his parents mention it once when he was sick and they thought he was asleep.  
  
“Okay,” Jason nodded. He finished the little ginger sucker by biting into it and chewing the pieces. “It’s hot.”  
  
“I know,” Catherine whispered. Jason sat on the couch and Catherine turned the radio on for him and went back towards the bathroom. Jason knew what that meant, so he got up and checked the stove and checked the stove to make sure she didn’t leave the gas on and he went back to the couch to lay down. He couldn’t hear her over the sound of the radio. He was glad. He didn’t like to hear. He waited for about fifteen minutes and turned the stove off and went to go check on her.  
  
“Mom, soup’s done.” He knocked on the door. He could hear her closing the bathroom drawers and he gave her time to open the door. She smiled at him and kissed the top of his head.  
  
“What’d you say Jason? I couldn’t hear you,” she lied.  
  
“Soup’s done Mom,” Jason repeated and she walked past him to the kitchen and she made him a little bowl and made one for herself and he grabbed the box of crackers and they sat at the island. She lay over the counter and closed her eyes. “Mom, do you want some crackers in your soup?” She smiled.  
  
“Sure baby,” she whispered. He put a few crackers in her bowl and he tried to eat some of his soup. “Jay…”  
  
“Yeah Mom,” he answered.  
  
“I love you so so much… Mommy loves you,” she whispered and he smiled.  
  
“I love you too.” He nibbled on some of the crackers for a while and she sat up for a little while and ate with him. Neither of them finished eating before they lay there asleep at the counter. Willis came in and cursed to himself before picking Jason up and putting him back on the couch and picking Catherine up and putting her down on their mattress and he finished their bowls of soup as cold as they were.


	3. Reflect

“I’ll be right back Bubba,” Willis whispered and Jason lay back down. “Feelin’ alright?”  
  
“Mhm,” Jason whispered. Catherine woke up and looked over at Willis. He looked over at her and she shook her head.

“What,” Willis raised his voice. She pushed her hair back and yawned.

“What time is it,” she asked. He looked at the clock on the wall.

“It’s two, I was just telling him, I’d be back-.”

“Or you could’ve come back, he wouldn’t know the difference anyway-.” He punched a hole in the wall by her head. She didn’t even flinch. Jason knew that if she had flinched, he would have hit her.

“Say something else Cate,” he knelt in front of her and pat her face. “Come on, tell me what you really think.” Jason closed his eyes and pulled the blanket over his head as he heard Willis hit his mother. “Come on Cate, you had so much to say just a second ago! Say it!”

Jason without thinking, yelled, “Don’t,” and the room went silent.

“Don’t? Don’t what,” Willis asked as he pulled the blanket off of Jason. “I didn’t start anything. What did I do to her this morning? Huh?” Jason didn’t want to look him in the eye. He pushed Jason’s head back. “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”

“I’m sorry,” Jason whispered. He didn’t want to argue, he didn’t want any kind of trouble. He just wanted Willis to leave without any more trouble. “I’m sorry,” he tried to sound as sincere as he could be. Willis picked Jason up and his whole body tensed. He closed his eyes and he could feel pins and needles all over his body.

“What?” He shook Jason.

“Put him down Willis,” Catherine yelled. Jason could feel his father’s hold tighten.

“Want me to put him down?” Willis dropped Jason on the ground and kicked him in the again and again and again. Willis stopped to look at Catherine’s face and stormed out of the house. Catherine ran to Jason and sat there with him for a short while.

He turned over and lay flat on his back and struggled to catch his breath. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he stared up at the ceiling. “Jason, I’m sorry-.” Jason wouldn’t let his mother console him, not out of anger but out of embarrassment. She sat next to him for a while and Jason eventually got up and made his way to the mattress and lay there facing the wall. “Jay, look at me.” He didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. He had to shut her out so he wouldn’t cry. He hated crying in front of his mother. “Jason let me help please-.”

“‘M fine,” Jason whispered. He tried not to move, he just lay there trying to ignore his mother’s voice.

“Jason, you’re hurt.” She touched his shoulder and he fell apart. He didn’t want to seem weak, but his whole body hurt. She held him close and whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He coughed and sobbed as she sat him up against the wall. Jason closed his eyes and let his mind drift away from the pain. “Jason. Look at me sweetie.” He tried to open his eyes but he couldn’t until he felt the cold of the ice pack touch his stomach. He wanted to push her hand away but she was only trying to help. “I know it’s cold, bear with me Jay.” He didn’t say anything. He pushed the pain to the back of his mind and he stared directly across the room at the wall and listened to the sound of his mother’s voice. After a while, she let him go back to bed, but she lay there next to him just to watch his breathing.

His sleep was only disturbed by the sound of the radio. “Mom,” Jason whispered, “Mom.” She came out of the bathroom and stood in the doorway for a moment.

“What’s wrong?” Jason didn’t say anything. She looked out of it, like she was somewhere else. “Is something wrong?” Jason shook his head. She went to the couch to lie down and they heard someone fumble with the door. Jason pulled himself out of bed and stood by the door, trying to ignore the pain he was in and the tears in his eyes.

“Mornin’,” Willis mumbled.

“Good morning,” Catherine took a deep breath and tried to sit up. Jason couldn’t move from the spot he was standing in.

“You two hungry,” Willis asked. Jason stood there wordlessly for a long time and Catherine didn’t answer him. “Hm?” Jason shook his head. “Come on. You mad at me Pete?”  
“Nuh uh. I’m not mad,” Jason lied.

“Then come on, I’m taking you two out for breakfast,” Willis smiled. Jason looked at his mom and she nodded. “Come on.” Catherine went to the closet to get her jacket and Jason’s.

“Jason go get cleaned up, okay?” He nodded, and took a moment before walking to the bathroom. After he closed the door he turned the sink on and lifted his shirt to see several purple bruises all over his stomach and chest. He swallowed his pain and he brushed his teeth and hair and his eyes never left his reflection.

He sometimes looked and didn’t recognize himself and he would stare until he found himself lost in the eyes of the boy in the mirror. He looked sad. He often looked sad in a way that Jason couldn’t realistically connect to, even though it was his own reflection. He didn’t see himself as sad, if anything he was tired. Jason grew more and more tired with every waking day, with every beating.

“Jason are you almost ready?” He blinked hard at the sound of his mother’s voice and he opened the bathroom door and his mother handed him his jacket. They all went downstairs and got into the car with him. No one said anything for a long while.

“What’s wrong with you?” Willis stared at Jason through the rear view mirror.

“Nothing,” Jason whispered. Willis scoffed.

“No come on, what’s wrong,” Willis raised his voice. Catherine shook her head.

“He doesn’t feel good,” she defended and Jason relaxed into the back seat.

“You don’t feel good?” Jason nodded. He was still in a lot of pain, but to keep the peace he tried not to look like he was in pain. “Still sick Pete?”

“You hurt him, remember?” Jason didn’t say a word. He sat there quietly in the hopes that things would blow over.

“Purple?” Jason didn’t say anything. “What color? Are the bruises purple?” Jason nodded. “Wanna go home?” Jason didn’t know how to answer the question, so he didn’t. “How about this, we’ll get breakfast to go and eat on the way home?”

“Great idea Willis,” Catherine mumbled. Willis didn’t say anything. “Jason, look, there must have been a fight at the old casino.” Jason looked out the window to look at the police walking back and forth talking. Batman must have been there the night before.

“Some freak tried to gas the casino last night, lucky for me I guess. We hit the club a couple of blocks from here at the same time, I heard Bats came here instead,” Willis explained.

“Who gassed the casino,” Jason asked.

“Not sure, but I know it was a big mess down here last night. People walking into the streets, getting hit by cars. I heard it was a real freak show. Gave us enough time to get back, get paid, and get back home.” Something about the idea of people getting hurt made Jason feel a little sick to his stomach. Catherine turned the radio on.

"I’m sure no one got seriously hurt, baby,” Catherine whispered to reassure him. He knew she was only saying that because he couldn’t hide the sick look on his face. Willis made a noise of disgust.

“Always babying that goddamn kid-.”

“Don’t start Willis,” she whispered. Willis chewed his bottom lip.

“Can’t be scared and live in Gotham, Pete. I don’t mean no harm but you gotta toughen up,” Willis replied. Jason nodded. “What scares you anyway?”

“Just don’t want anybody gettin’ hurt,” Jason whispered. Willis nodded.

“Nobody in Gotham is innocent, we all break rules and hurt other people to survive here. If you can’t stomach the idea of hurting somebody to make it here, you’re as good as dead,” Willis turned to look Jason directly in his eyes. “You hear me?”

“Willis-.” He shot Catherine a look and she grew quiet.

“You hear me, Pete?” Jason nodded as he let those words sink in. He couldn’t find it in him to hurt anybody that wasn’t trying to hurt him. He could steal, he could lie, and he could cheat, but he only did those things when he had to. Jason didn’t want to be his father, but he worried that maybe he was right.


	4. Dinner for Three

It’d been a long while since the conversation between Jason and Willis in the car, and even more had changed since then. Jason sat silently in the car as he waited for him to say something, literally anything. “What do you want to ask?” Jason looked at all the controls in the car and then back at the masked man.  
  
“You gonna take off your mask?”  
  
“Soon.” Jason sat in silence a little while longer as they drove all the way to the cave and parked on the platform. He didn’t say anything as the top lifted and the Bat revealed his face. “Surprised?”  
  
“A little but it makes sense that you’re rich driving a car like this,” Jason joked. Bruce smiled and led him up into the manor. Jason trailed behind him and his thoughts were interrupted by the smell of food.  
  
“Alfred, can you make a place for our guest while I clean up?” Jason looked around at the pictures and expensive decor lining the halls and marvelled at the fact that they just came out of a cave hidden by a clock on the wall. “I’ll be right back. Make yourself-. Welcome home.” Jason seemed a bit surprised. Alfred reached out to shake Jason’s hand and Jason smiled at him. His smile was unsure, nervous even.  
  
“Jason, nice to meet you Mr.-. Nice to meet you-.”  
  
“Alfred will do just fine, Master Jason… I have a question for you,” Alfred replied. There was a certain softness to his tone that Jason was no longer familiar with. He nodded. “Do you eat beef stroganoff?”  
  
“Whatever it is, I’ll eat it,” Jason answered as he followed Alfred into the kitchen. He stood at the kitchen island as Alfred made him a plate and stood at the counter. “Not to state the obvious but you know he’s the Bat?” Alfred set his plate on the island and handed him a fork.  
  
“Yes, and I think he’ll tell you that story soon enough.” Jason started eating and made a low humming noise. Alfred started to make Bruce’s plate and his own before offering Jason a seat.  
  
“I’m just fine standing up… You cook like this all the time?” Alfred smiled and started eating.  
  
“Only when I’m expecting Master Bruce,” Alfred answered. Jason continued eating as Bruce walked into the kitchen and took his plate. Jason stared at Bruce while he ate and he tried to hold on to the unreal feeling that maybe his life was finally taking a turn for the better. He still didn’t feel like it was real. Alfred made Jason a second plate and Bruce finished up and went upstairs without a word. Jason looked at him.  
  
“He do that a lot,” Jason asked. Alfred nodded.  
  
“Worry not Master Jason,” Alfred reassured.  
  
“He’s not like the stories… I dunno, I just imagined that he’d be harsh. You know, mean,” Jason replied. It wasn’t like he expected Batman to hit him for taking that shot at him with the tire iron. He did at least expect Batman to shake him or yell at him or turn him in, but he didn’t. Batman was patient, he was empathetic, he was everything Jason’s father wasn’t. Jason got ready to start on his third plate when Alfred got up to pour him a glass of milk.  
  
“After dinner, I’ll show you to your room.” Jason nodded, despite the fact that he thought he was still hungry. He downed his milk and waited for Alfred to move. “Are you still hungry?” Jason shook his head.  
  
“Should I help with the dishes or-.”  
  
“That isn’t necessary. Are you ready to go up to your room Master Jason?” Jason followed him up the stairs and down a long hallway where his room was, and some pajamas were sitting out for him as if someone were waiting. He didn’t question it, he thanked Alfred and took a moment after Alfred left the room to shower and change into pajamas. It’d been a long time since he had even had pajamas. He climbed into the bed and he lay there, completely awake, thinking about the comfort of the mattress, and the smell of clean linen. After a while, his eyes started to get heavier and heavier until he couldn’t fight the sleep anymore. Things were quiet in the manor, almost peaceful. Bruce sat at the fireplace working on something on his laptop, and Alfred was fast asleep upstairs.  
  
Jason woke up bright and early the next morning, wandering the manor on his own. It still felt strange to him. He went back down to the kitchen and looked around for something to eat, but ultimately decided that it would be rude to eat without waiting for them to come down. He was tempted after a while to go back down to the cave, but he chose to sit in the kitchen and wait for someone to come down. He figured someone would come down eventually. Alfred was the first to come down. “Master Jason, how long have you been waiting there?”  
  
“I dunno,” Jason answered and Alfred cut a grapefruit in half and sprinkled brown sugar on both halves.  
  
“Would you like some toast this morning,” Alfred asked as he popped two slices of bread in the toaster, and opened the drawer.  
  
“Mhm, is he uh… Is Mr. Wayne coming down for breakfast?” Alfred nodded and held a flame to the grapefruit halves and ran a spoon over them before they cooled. Alfred gave Jason a half and handed him a spoon. Jason thanked him and started eating just as the toast popped out. Alfred put butter on the toast and spread blackberry jam over both slices.  
  
“If not for breakfast, he’ll be down for coffee,” Alfred answered. Jason finished his grapefruit and smiled at Alfred.  
  
“You eat this for breakfast?” Alfred nodded. “Remind me never to sleep in.” Jason finished his grapefruit and got started on his toast. Bruce came downstairs without a word and started making the coffee.  
  
“Never took the Bat for a morning person,” Jason joked. Bruce cracked a smile and poured Jason a glass of milk. Bruce sat across from Alfred. “Did you mean what you said in the car?” Bruce nodded.  
  
“I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it, I just figured we’d wait until after breakfast before we talked,” Bruce reassured. Jason finished his glass of milk and Alfred smiled to himself. Jason waited anxiously as Bruce made his own coffee.  
  
“Master Jason, would you like another piece of toast,” Alfred asked. Jason nodded and Alfred popped another two slices of bread in the toaster and Bruce gave Jason a look.   
“What,” Jason asked. He felt uncomfortable with the silence, wondering if maybe Bruce had second thoughts.  
  
“You need clothes, right?”  
  
“Uh huh…” Jason sat there waiting for the catch.  
  
“I’ll take care of that this afternoon, how long have you been awake,” Bruce asked. Jason shrugged as Alfred put butter and blackberry jam on both slices of toast. Alfred took a slice for himself and gave Jason the extra slice. “Becoming Robin won’t be easy, and at some point I want to put you back in school.” Jason put his toast down. “Not immediately, but you know what I mean.” Jason nodded.  
  
“I’m gonna be real with you, I haven’t been to school in three years,” Jason replied, his voice was soft, unsure even. Bruce nodded.  
  
“I’m not going to send you back to school unprepared for what’s to come.” Bruce reached for Jason’s shoulder and he flinched. Bruce didn’t make a big fuss about it, he took a moment to allow Jason to take a deep breath and collect himself.  
  
“Sorry,” Jason whispered. His father was missing almost two years but the fear never really left him.  
  
“It’s nothing to be sorry about. We really don’t know each other yet, but in the time that you’re here I hope you understand that I will never hurt you,” he looked Jason in the eyes and even though he couldn’t believe it at that very moment, he felt a little at ease. At least he knew things would be okay for a while.


	5. First Aid

“Does it hurt much,” Bruce asked. Jason shook his head. Bruce pushed Jason’s hair back and looked at the cut. “You sure? Maybe we should have Alfred look at it.” He pressed a damp towelette to Jason’s forehead.  
  
“I’m fine. I wanna try it again-.” Bruce shook his head and made Jason hold the towelette to his head as he checked to make sure he didn’t have other gashes or bruises anywhere else. “I can do it B-.” Bruce made a noise and Alfred bandaged him up and checked him for signs of a concussion before giving Bruce a gentle nod.  
  
“Let’s take a break. We’ll both take a breath,” Bruce’s voice softened. Jason nodded and allowed Bruce to help him up.  
  
“You’re not mad?” Bruce shook his head. Jason let out a breath, a breath that Bruce often noticed he would hold in when he made mistakes. Bruce didn’t want to say anything, but after about a month of watching Jason hold his breath he realized that it was time Jason heard the reassurance in words.  
  
“I’m not mad at all,” Bruce answered, “In fact, I’m proud of your perseverance.” Jason smiled and they went back up to the kitchen where Alfred was already waiting for them with dinner.  
  
“Are we gonna start back tomorrow morning,” Jason asked. Bruce shook his head.  
  
“No, we have other plans tomorrow,” Bruce smiled. Jason dug in and took a breath while waiting for Bruce to tell him what their plans were. “What if I told you that we were going on a little field trip tomorrow?”  
  
“Where?” Bruce started to eat and so did Alfred.  
  
“It’s a surprise,” Bruce answered. Jason smiled.  
  
“You’re not just saying this because I hit my head?” Bruce smiled.  
  
“No, I’ve been planning this for quite a while now,” Bruce answered, “Casual dress.” Jason ate the seared apples on his plate and smiled at Alfred.  
  
“Does that mean you’re taking the night off Alfred,” Jason asked.  
  
“What leads you to believe I’m not taking the night off right now Master Jason,” Alfred smiled. Jason chuckled. “Who knows, perhaps I enjoy cooking for an eater as enthusiastic as yourself.” Jason took a sip of water and continued eating.  
  
“Can I ask you guys a question,” Jason asked. Bruce looked unsure at first but he nodded. “I know it’s only been a month and this might sound like a stupid question, but what are you gonna tell people when they ask about who I am?”  
  
“I’m going to tell the truth. You’re family,” Bruce answered. He didn’t say son, he wasn’t sure how Jason would have reacted had he said it. Jason didn’t say anything. “And if there’s anything you don’t want me to answer you can tell me right now.” Jason shook his head and went back to eating. It was like that a lot of the time. Jason only knew Bruce and Alfred for a short while, and earning his trust wouldn’t be as easy as it might have been with any other child. Someone hurt him, maybe a few someones hurt him. Alfred had even mentioned to Bruce that he could sometimes hear Jason mumbling in his sleep, asking for help, crying for help.  
  
Bruce never brought it up. Bruce knew Jason was already very hard on himself, and very emotionally-guarded. It wouldn’t have done much good to ask Jason about his nightmares. It probably would’ve made things worse. Besides, Jason had a much softer nature than he led on. Bruce knew it wasn’t going to be easy getting all the way through to Jason, but he was willing to try.  
  
Jason finished dinner early and went upstairs to clean up and go to bed. “He played things off well, but I don’t think he’s feeling well,” Bruce whispered.  
  
“He’ll come to you when he’s ready to talk,” Alfred answered as he cleared their plates from the table.  
  
Bruce waited a while before he went upstairs. He wanted to give Jason time to fall asleep. He could hear Jason talking as if he was gritting his teeth. “He’s gonna give up on me.” Bruce wanted to knock, everything in him told him to knock, but he didn’t. He went straight to his room and he kicked himself for not talking to Jason, not reassuring him and telling him that he was doing just fine. Bruce couldn’t put those thoughts into words yet.  
  
As Jason drifted off to sleep, Bruce lay awake. He wondered if he worried this much with Jason’s predecessor. It’d been so long since he had someone to look after. In a lot of ways it was nice, but in moments like these he would catch himself wondering how things would work out for Jason. He didn’t want Jason to be perfect, he just wanted him to be okay.  
  
Jason slept quietly for a while, only to become entangled in the nightmares of a life he left. He usually slept heavily with very little movement, but this night in particular he was restless, uncomfortable, and very much afraid. He mumbled and muttered as he kicked at his sheets and tossed and turned uncomfortably in his bed, it was enough to make some noise in the quiet manor, but not enough to cause a stir, and then as quickly as the nightmares and restlessness started it would end. It happened several times that night, before he awoke himself and everyone in the house stumbling out of bed and fumbling with the doorknob anxiously trying to get out. Bruce opened the door and in shock Jason fell back, covering his face and falling apart. Bruce sat next to him, trying not to seem as large and intimidating in the dark. Jason didn’t need a hug, or any physical reassurance, he just needed someone there. Bruce knew that. “I’m sorry,” Jason mumbled. He said it over and over again and Bruce shushed him.  
  
“It’s alright,” Bruce whispered, “No one’s going to hurt you.” Bruce sat there with him, staring out into the dark hallway realizing that what he had just said was not just for Jason, it was for himself. Jason made the manor feel alive again. Jason made Bruce feel alive.  
  
Jason hugged his knees and looked the other way. He didn’t want Bruce to see him crying. He didn’t know what Bruce would say if he could see the fear on his face and the tears in his eyes. He didn’t want anything more than to belong there, to be Bruce’s son, and to feel like he wasn’t just a guest in a house made for another family. He wanted Bruce and Alfred to be his family, and he knew that they were trying to be, but it was so hard to let them in. What would happen when they didn’t like him anymore, when his jokes no longer made them smile, when his youthful enthusiasm began to fade? What would happen then?  
  
“What happened?” Bruce’s voice was gentle. Jason shrugged. “It’s okay.” Jason still couldn’t move himself to look at Bruce, he couldn’t allow Bruce to see him cry.  
  
“He used to hurt us, used to hurt other people… Once I… If I told you, you wouldn’t want me around anymore, you wouldn’t trust me. If I told you about my nightmares I’d have to tell you what happened, and you wouldn’t want me here,” Jason mumbled.  
  
Bruce made a small noise, something Jason took as frustration or contempt at first, before Bruce started to speak. “I didn’t bring you home because I expected perfection from you. I brought you home, because I care about you. I don’t really know how else to put it. I won’t get mad at whatever you did before I knew you. I just want you to trust me like you do during training.” Jason nodded.  
  
“The last time I worked with someone, he… He killed someone. I never wanted to hurt anybody, I still don’t wanna hurt anybody. I don’t expect you to understand why I let myself work with and be around people who-.”  
  
“Doesn’t sound like you had much of a choice, but it does sound like you have something very important,” Bruce whispered. Jason finally mustered up the courage to look at Bruce, and he was smiling. It startled Jason a little, but he didn’t say anything. “You have a conscience.”  
  
“You’re not mad?” Bruce shook his head.  
  
“No, just worried. I want you to know you can tell me when you can’t handle something,” Bruce whispered, “I won’t be angry, I won’t give up on you. I just want to help.” Jason sat a little closer to Bruce and closed his eyes.  
  
“Anything else you wanna tell me Bruce,” Jason mumbled.  
  
“I couldn’t sleep,” Bruce whispered. Jason chuckled. “I really couldn’t. I was scared to talk to you. I’m glad you woke up, it finally gave me the courage to talk to you. You think it gets any easier?”  
  
“I guess we’ll find out,” Jason whispered. Things were quiet again for a long time, so long Bruce never even realized Jason was fast asleep. He put him back in bed and placed his blankets back on his bed and over him.  
  
“Guess we will,” Bruce smiled as he made his way back to his room.


	6. Night Terrors

“I know you’re angry-.” Bruce reached to grab Jason, and he stepped backwards. He wouldn’t let Bruce touch him, even though he’d been looking for him for what felt like hours.  
  
“I’m not angry,” Jason yelled. His whole body was tense and his heart beat so hard he could feel it in his ears. He backed away a little bit more and stopped when he felt his ankle touch the ledge. He could see Bruce reach for his belt and it was like he could feel pins and needles all over his body. Was Bruce trying to hurt him too? He couldn’t run, he wasn’t seeing clearly enough to run. His chest heaved with every shaky breath as he tried to think his way out. What had he done that was so bad? Was Bruce really going to teach him a lesson like that? Right there? Tears streamed down his cheeks and he shook his head. “No.”  
  
“What happened?” Jason shook his head and he couldn’t look at Bruce. “What’s wrong?” Jason couldn’t really remember what happened before Bruce showed up, all he could remember was being afraid, and Bruce pulling him off of someone. He started feeling lightheaded, but he didn’t want Bruce to see that. He didn’t want to look weak. He said something to Bruce but it didn’t make sense when he said it out loud.  
  
He felt Bruce grab hold of him and Jason immediately attacked. “Don’t touch me!” Bruce said something to him but he couldn’t focus, all he could think to do was fight. Bruce managed to restrain him and through his tears he tried to think of a way out but he couldn’t think straight.  
  
Jason tried to shake the feeling as Bruce continued to talk to him but he could no longer make out the words. It was like he was in a bad dream. Bruce shook him and spoke to him, but the words weren’t making sense. He felt something pierce his skin and he tried to push Bruce away and he lost his footing. He tried to fight his way out, but all he could do was drift out of consciousness.  
  
When he awoke Alfred sat quietly by his bedside, reading aloud. Jason was too dizzy to see clearly at first, but he knew that Alfred being there meant that things were okay. “Welcome back Master Jason,” Alfred whispered. Jason smiled faintly.  
  
“Alfred is he-.” Bruce relaxed as soon as he saw Jason awake. “Fear toxin.” Jason looked up at the ceiling. He waited for Bruce to start yelling at him and telling him how badly he blundered.  
  
“I know I messed up,” Jason mumbled. Bruce grew quiet. Alfred left for a moment. Jason propped himself up on his elbows. “How bad did I mess up?”  
  
“Who were you fighting,” Bruce asked. Jason shook his head.  
  
“It doesn’t matter, I’m good now… I’m fine-.” Bruce looked at him.  
  
“Who?” Jason took a deep breath and looked Bruce in the eyes.  
  
“I dunno his name,” Jason answered. Bruce sat in the chair by his bedside. “I wasn’t gonna-.”  
  
“Jason,” Bruce stopped him. “Was he-.” Jason shook his head.  
  
“No,” Jason whispered, “It’s nothing like that.” Bruce could tell that Jason was lying, but he didn’t say anything about it.  
  
“You hurt yourself fighting me last night. I’ll call your school and tell them you aren’t feeling well,” Bruce whispered, “We could make a day of it.” Jason sat up all the way and hugged his knees. Bruce reached to mess up Jason’s hair and he stopped himself. “Are you coming down for breakfast?” Jason nodded.  
  
“I’ll be down,” Jason whispered. He watched as Bruce got up to leave and the second Bruce closed the door behind himself, Jason let out a breath. He thought that maybe Bruce would leave things alone altogether, that he wouldn’t ask anymore. He got out of bed and the second his feet touched the floor a wave of discomfort washed over him. It wasn’t pain, it wasn’t fear, it was something else. He swallowed the feeling and washed up and came downstairs in his pajamas. Alfred greeted him silently with a pat on the head upon his arrival in the kitchen.  
  
“Would you like some fruit with your french toast, Master Jason?” Jason nodded.  
  
“Thanks Alfred,” Jason whispered. Bruce was on the phone with someone.  
  
“No, he’ll be fine. He’s just a little under the weather, but thank you… I’m glad to hear that. I’m quite proud of him myself,” Bruce whispered. Jason relaxed a little and Alfred led him out of the kitchen with his breakfast.  
  
“What were you reading to me,” Jason asked. Alfred smiled.  
  
“H.G. Wells, it was sitting on your nightstand… I hope you don’t mind, it helped calm my nerves as I minded yours,” Alfred answered. Jason realized what he was talking about and smiled.  
  
“The Time Machine? I’m reading it for school… There’s just that there’s one thing I don’t get about it. They see her drowning and they don’t help. Do you really believe that?” Alfred pushed him to eat a little before he prepared to answer.  
  
“Master Jason, there’s no way to tell for sure. No future is completely ideal,” Alfred answered. Jason knew somehow he would choke on Alfred’s words someday. Jason originally thought that a life with Bruce would be ideal for him, but lately he was starting to believe that things were going to fall apart soon. “Is something troubling you?” Jason shook his head.  
  
“No, I was just thinking…” Alfred continued to eat and Bruce came into the living room after his phone call.  
  
“We haven’t had a sick day in a while,” Bruce smiled as he sat down and ate at Jason’s other side. Jason looked at Bruce.  
  
“I’m fine,” Jason mumbled.  
  
“We know, but it’d still be nice to stay home just this once,” Bruce smiled. Alfred turned on the tv and put on a movie. Jason finished his breakfast and went to wash his dishes in the kitchen. Once he was done, he went back to the living room and sat in between Bruce and Alfred. Jason couldn’t focus on the movie. He was too focused on what Bruce and Alfred talked to him about. “Jason?” He sat up and realized he was falling asleep.  
  
“Hm?” Bruce looked concerned and that was the last thing Jason wanted.  
  
“Are you feeling alright?” Jason nodded.  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine…” Things grew quiet again. Jason was asleep before the movie ended and instead of carrying him upstairs, they gave him the couch and put a blanket over him so that they could speak privately in the kitchen.  
  
“He seems off today,” Bruce whispered, “Withdrawn. That’s not him. He’s been like this ever since…”  
  
“I don’t believe he did it. I never did. Not for a moment,” Alfred whispered in Jason’s defense, “You never told me how he hurt himself last night.” Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.  
  
“When he thought he was fighting someone, and he lost his footing when I tried to grab him and he hit his head… I don’t know who he thought he was fighting, but the look on his face was what scared me.”  
  
“Maybe it’s time to set aside his cape,” Alfred whispered. Bruce frowned.  
  
“I don’t know if I could ever take that from him,” Bruce whispered, “If I could just get him to talk to me about-.” They heard Jason move in the other room.  
  
Alfred walked out to see if Jason woke up. “He’s still asleep… I would rather him be alive and upset than…” Bruce nodded. “I fear my reservations can do nothing to change your mind.”  
  
“I wish it were that easy,” Bruce whispered. They heard Jason move again but before Alfred could check in on him, he was standing in the kitchen doorway.  
  
“Bruce can I ask you something,” Jason asked and Alfred left them alone to talk.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Bruce stood still and waited for Jason to come out of the doorway, but he never moved.  
  
“Last night, when you were trying to talk to me… Were you gonna hit me?”  
  
“Why would I hit you? I was trying to sedate you so you wouldn’t hurt yourself,” Bruce answered. Jason nodded.  
  
“But I tried to-.” Bruce hugged him.  
  
“It doesn’t matter, I won’t fight you. I won’t hurt you,” Bruce interrupted and he moved to let go but Jason hugged back.


	7. Father's Day

Jason sat and watched as Bruce danced with her. Something about seeing Bruce appear to be happy burned him up inside, but he had his chance for revenge, and several more since then. A woman asked him if he’d like to have a drink with her and he nodded. His eyes never left Bruce. “Don’t know if you can tell, but that’s Bruce Wayne under that mask,” she whispered, “Two sidecars please.” Jason waited until he heard the glass hit the table before he reached for his drink, and she touched his hand. “Oh, I’m-.” Jason looked at their hands. He knew she’d meant to do that, the drink was much closer to him than it was to her. He couldn’t take his mask off for fear of Bruce spotting him.  
  
“It’s alright,” Jason whispered. She took a sip of her drink. He still never once took a moment to look at her. “What’s the story behind the cuts on his face? Ski accident? A tumble down the stairs?”  
  
“Recreational boxing match with an old friend,” she answered, “What are you doing here Jason?” He turned toward the table and looked her in her eyes.  
  
“Barbara?” He seemed shocked for the first time in months. “You cut your hair.”  
  
She took off her mask and he could tell by the look on her face that she was not amused. “I’m only going to ask you one more time, what are you doing here? Waiting for an opening to finish him off-.”  
  
“I-I dunno, guess I just came to see him. See if I’d shaken him. You gonna tell him I was here?” She shook her head. “Then I should get going.”  
  
“You don’t wanna finish your drink,” she asked. Something washed over him, maybe it was loneliness, maybe it was something else. He shook his head.  
  
“Nothing that I can say over this drink to make what I did sound right to you, or to him. I should cut out before Bruce sees me,” Jason whispered as he stood up, “It was good seeing you…” He made his way out of the building and into the streets, where he got rid of his mask and made his way home. He thought about the look on Barbara’s face, the anger, the disappointment, but something else. He was glad that it was Barbara and not Dick or Alfred or Tim. What would he have said to them? How could he explain how he felt? He didn’t even know what he felt. He poured himself a drink as soon as he got in and untied his tie. He finished his first drink in silence, as he thought about Bruce’s face that night. He played the role perfectly, the kind, fun-loving, happy father. He used to be those things to Jason, he used to be Jason’s father, but that didn’t seem to matter. He was reduced to a memorial, a cautionary tale, a memory to be locked away. The thought of it made Jason’s heart beat quickly in his chest. His face grew hot, and he had another drink.  
  
He thought about how Bruce used to laugh with him, used to tend to his wounds, used to carry him to safety when things got bad. He thought about how Bruce promised to protect him, how he failed to do that, and he made another drink and another and another and another. By the time he’d gone through nearly two bottles of liquor he was no longer angry. He could feel tears roll down his cheeks as he paced back and forth in his home. It felt strange. He could feel the sensation of pain as if he was trying to anticipate a punch or kick or some other painful attack. It made his stomach ache. The feeling wouldn’t go away, it followed him around and the walls seemed to get smaller and smaller as he paced until he wasn’t pacing anymore and he wasn’t at home anymore.  
  
At first he thought he heard a laugh in the dark. He opened his eyes and he sat in a little dark box, like a closet or a gentleman’s chest. He didn’t try to move or free himself, he sat there for a while, waiting and listening. He heard the laugh again, much clearer than the first time. It was clear enough to recognize as his father’s laugh. He couldn’t see the light underneath the door, and he couldn’t feel the doorknob, so he screamed. His screams did nothing but make his father laugh louder and someone else joined him. It was a laugh Jason knew well. The box was knocked backwards and forced the wind from Jason’s chest. A coffin. He was in a coffin all over again. He screamed again, but his father and his murderer both laughed. He called for Bruce, but Bruce joined his tormentors, laughing with them. Everyone he knew was laughing at him and he was crying out for help. He was crying and screaming and begging for help.  
  
Eventually he awakened and he sat up in bed with a pounding headache. His clothes lay in a dry cleaning bag next to him, and he took a second before planting his feet on the ground and he gagged. “No,” he mumbled, “Just a dream.” He waited another moment before he got up and went to the bathroom. He stepped into the shower and let the water run over him, hitting his skin, and growing warmer and warmer as the time passed. Once he finally felt clean, he turned the water off and dried his face and wrapped the towel around his waist. He stood still for a while, trying to remember what happened before he passed out, trying to figure out what he must have done wrong, and the phone rang. He stepped out of the shower and shuffled out of the bathroom uncomfortably. “What do you want,” he answered.  
  
“I got your voicemail.” Jason dropped the phone and sank to the floor. “Hello?” Jason couldn’t speak. “Jason?” He grabbed the phone and hung up.  
  
“What the hell did I do,” Jason mumbled. He sat there on the ground for a long while trying to figure out what happened. He wondered what he could have possibly said to receive a call from Bruce, to hear the same softness in Bruce’s voice he’d heard as a child. After a while, he stood up and dressed himself. The phone rang again and he answered much faster than he did at first. “Bruce?”  
  
“You don’t remember calling me?” Jason didn’t answer. “You asked if I was angry at you… You said a lot of other things too. You were there last night?”  
  
“Yeah…” Bruce made a noise and cleared his throat.  
  
“Why?” Jason rested his forehead against the wall.  
  
“I just wanted to… I wanted to see if you looked happy,” Jason mumbled. “What did I say?”  
  
“I couldn’t make out most of it. I haven’t heard you that frightened since before-. You told me that you wanted to talk to me. You kept saying you were all alone,” Bruce answered, “Maybe we should speak in person?” Jason sat there in silence for a while.  
  
“Yeah, sure… Feel like eating,” Jason asked.  
  
“I could eat,” Bruce answered.  
  
“Tracing the call,” Jason asked. Bruce chuckled.  
  
“I’ll be there in a little bit,” Bruce answered and hung up. Jason made a pained noise and walked to the kitchen so he could get started on breakfast. He rolled out the dough he left in the fridge and his chopped tomatoes and veggies. It helped him quiet his mind. His heart raced and he felt like he did before he blacked out but he tried to push his feelings back, he tried to ignore them as he cracked some eggs over the dough and threw the pizzas in the oven. Jason waited for months after everything happened for the right moment to speak to Bruce and as soon as it was time, he was too afraid to say what he wanted to. Too afraid to face him.  
  
The door opened and Jason turned to look Bruce in the face. “Your oven timer.” Jason turned to the oven and took out their breakfast.  
  
“Forks are in the drawer nearest you,” Jason mumbled. Bruce took the forks out and it was silent for a long time. “Can I hear it?” Bruce looked shocked.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“The voicemail,” Jason asked. Bruce nodded and took his phone out and played his last saved voicemail.  
  
Jason could hear himself crying in the background. “Bruce? It’s me… It’s me… I just wanted to talk to you… I saw you but I didn’t know if you were still-. Are you still mad? I feel like I’ve pushed everyone away… I wanna say it but I can’t. I wanna say it to you.” The call cut off.  
  
“I don’t want an apology, I just wanted to talk with you about what happened.” Jason wanted to say something to defend himself, but he couldn’t put together the words.  
  
“Did I ever… Did you ever tell Tim about what I was to you? What did you tell him?”  
  
“I talked to him,” Bruce answered, “He already knew you were my son.” Jason started eating to bury the silence.  
  
“Sometimes, I have nightmares where I’m in a box and I can’t dig myself out and I’m yelling and asking for help but everyone just laughs,” Jason whispered. Bruce looked at him.  
  
“What was it like? What did it feel like when you came back?” Jason swallowed hard and tried to put the feeling into words without having to experience it again.  
  
“It hurt. It was like waking up from a bad dream to an even worse reality… I was alone. I vividly remember saying your name, I called for you,” Jason closed his eyes and tried to force the feeling back.  
  
“Had I known you were back, I would’ve brought you back home,” Bruce whispered, “I would’ve explained things to you-.”  
  
“I couldn’t remember any of it until I took a dip in the pit…” Jason sat there for a second while Bruce tried to find words to soothe Jason’s pain. “I was so angry and hurt thinking you didn’t want me anymore… So focused on the idea that you were ashamed of me that I never once thought…”  
  
“That you were my son and I loved you, that I still love you… I struggle to say it, I always have.” Jason nodded. “Did I say something wrong?”  
  
“No, it-. You said what I’ve been waiting years to hear… Can you leave,” Jason asked. Bruce seemed shocked.  
  
“What?”  
  
“I just want you to leave Da-. Bruce I need you to leave, okay,” Jason asked. His chest hurt.  
  
Bruce turned to leave and he stopped at the door. “Next time we talk, maybe you should come home.” Bruce closed the door on his way out, and Jason took a breath.  
  
“Next time,” he whispered to himself.


	8. Reunion

Jason knew someone was tailing him and had been tailing him for several blocks, and decided he was just as curious to find out what they wanted. It was the first time in a long time that he felt thrilled. He was just waiting for a more secluded spot to face the person trailing him. He put his groceries down in the alley and caught the hand that raised against him. “Now who are you and what did I do to piss you off,” Jason smiled and turned around only for all the color to drain from his face at the sight of Dick. “Dick listen-.” Dick tried to knock Jason off his feet and Jason knocked him off his balance. “Listen!”  
  
“To what? What the hell are you doing in Gotham?” Jason sighed.  
  
“I live here. What are you doing here? Did Bruce tell you he talked to me,” Jason asked. Dick gave him a confused look. “He didn’t tell you?” Jason reached out a hand to help Dick up and Dick refused his help.  
  
“Do you wanna tell me what you’re talking about,” Dick asked. Jason picked up his groceries.  
  
“Only if you wanna give me a ride home,” Jason answered. Dick sighed and took one of the grocery bags.  
  
“Car’s parked two blocks from here. When did you know I was following you?” Jason smiled to himself.  
  
“You’re getting sloppy, I couldn’t see you well enough to tell it was you,” Jason brushed Dick’s shoulder, “And you think staying an aisle or two down from me is good enough? Tsk tsk big bro.” Dick made a face and opened the car door.  
  
“Get in before I change my mind,” Dick warned. Jason got in the passenger’s seat. “Now about my question.”  
  
“I was drunk a few weeks ago and I called him. We talked for a little while the next morning and I threw him out-.”  
  
“Out of where,” Dick asked.  
  
“My house… Keep straight,” Jason directed, “You don’t have to worry about me trying to blow you up or anything like that anymore.” Dick looked at Jason for a moment, as if he were trying to make sense of something.  
  
“This the look you’re going for now,” Dick asked, “You’re a little too young to be going grey.” Jason feigned surprise as he looked in the passenger seat mirror and then he gave Dick an unamused look.  
  
“It’s an after-effect of well, you know,” Jason answered, “And I kind of like it.”  
  
“Didn’t say it looked bad-.”  
  
“It was implied-.”  
  
“Grow up,” Dick sighed.  
  
“Can’t, I died at fifteen remember? I kind of missed the boat on getting to grow up Dickie,” Jason snapped. Dick tightened his grip on the steering wheel.  
  
“Oh boohoo, we all know why you ended up that way Jason. You’re a cautionary tale for god’s sakes,” Dick returned. Jason scoffed.  
  
“It’s not like you ever gave two shits about me, now you’re angry at me for something that has nothing to do with you. I bet you didn’t even care that I died, bet you were glad that I was finally out of the way-.” Dick pulled over.  
  
“I was crushed when you died! I may not have shown it and I’m sorry that I didn’t, but you were like a brother to me-.”  
  
“I barely knew you! You didn’t want me around from the very beginning, don’t pretend that you suddenly care oh so much about Bruce’s little stray,” Jason sneered. Dick pushed his hair back and took a deep breath.  
  
“Jason… I was going through a lot with Bruce. It wasn’t that I disliked you, I never disliked you. I was… I felt replaced,” Dick whispered, “And I didn’t mean what I said about your death being your fault.” Jason nodded.  
  
“I used to be jealous of you, you know. I always thought you’d come back and take your place. I’m surprised that you didn’t,” Jason mumbled, “You’re gonna take a left and go straight for about two miles.”  
  
“Why’d you throw Bruce out? You let him know where you lived, you talked to him, and you threw him out… Why?” Jason chewed his bottom lip.  
  
“I was thinking about something that happened when I was a kid between Bruce and I. I know it’s crazy but I expected things to feel the same…” Dick didn’t say anything. “What?”  
  
“Jason, giving things time doesn’t really work in this family. Bruce and I can hold a hell of a grudge, and it’s sad to say it takes people like you and Tim to mend things between us… Now you, you might have to go about this one on your own,” Dick answered. Jason opened his mouth to say something out of anger, but he realized Dick said what he said out of concern. “And it’s not even like Bruce is mad at you. He wants his son back. Doesn’t matter how many kids he has, none of us are replaceable and the sooner you realize that the sooner you can go back to being his favorite,” Dick teased.  
  
“You’re taking me home aren’t you?” Dick nodded.  
  
“And I might as well let you know that Barbara told me you were back,” Dick confessed.  
  
“I figured that much… When you were tailing me, what were you thinking?”  
  
“I wasn’t thinking about anything, I was pissed,” Dick answered. Jason dug through his grocery bag to get to his drinks.  
  
“Still drink ginger ale,” Jason asked. Dick nodded and Jason opened the bottle and passed it to him.  
  
“What did you say when you called Bruce,” Dick asked.  
  
“What do you think I said,” Jason asked. Dick made a noise and made a sharp turn. “Easy. We’re going home, not to Nascar.”  
  
“Hey, no matter how things seem you can’t bail on talking to him. I know he’s not the best at this, but he’s trying,” Dick reassured. Jason closed his eyes for a moment as they entered the cave. Dick got out of the car first.  
  
“Dick, I’m not in the-.”  
  
“Look what I found.” Dick gave Jason a look. “I’m gonna go say hi to Alfred, it’s been a while.” Dick left them alone.  
  
“Jason, are you still good with cars,” Bruce joked. Jason could feel the nervousness coming off of him and he flashed Bruce a smile.  
  
“I dunno, got a tire iron old man,” Jason asked. Bruce chuckled. “I’m sorry about-.”  
  
“Give me a chance to apologize this time, okay?” Jason nodded. “I’m sorry that I didn’t look for you after everything happened. You shook me, and I’m still trying to process everything. I was never and have never been angry with you. At this point, I really don’t think I have it in me to get mad at you.” Jason kicked at one of Bruce’s tires.  
  
“Why? Why aren’t you mad? You know how much easier this would be if you were mad, if you hit me, or told me I failed you,” Jason raised his voice.  
  
“I can’t… It’s like when I see you, I still see the kid I took to baseball games and galas and the boy I buried… When you came back you found out I was still alive, you probably even expected it, but when you were gone, to me you were really gone. I let go of any feelings I had about mistakes you made or things I wish you’d done better. I would rather live through all of your worst than lose you again,” Bruce didn’t look up from the engine.  
  
“Bruce you’re not gonna lose me. I’ve got a feeling that we’re kind of a package deal, same as you and Dick. No matter what way we paint things teammates, enemies, coworkers, we’ll always be father and son… I just never thought you cared as much as you do.” Jason nudged Bruce and took his place to look at the engine.  
  
“I think if circumstances had been different, and I found you…”  
  
“Before or after my dip in the pit,” Jason teased, “Seriously though, I think things were meant to be the way they were.” Bruce nodded. “There’s nothing wrong with the engine.”   
“I know,” Bruce answered, “Gonna stop killing people?”  
  
“Gonna try and stop me,” Jason asked. Bruce laughed. They were interrupted by Alfred and Dick arguing.  
  
“Alfred wait-.”  
  
“Master Jason!” Alfred’s voice was serious, almost piercing. He walked quickly and with strong intent before standing face-to-face with Jason.  
  
“Alfred look-.” Alfred interrupted him with an embrace. Jason couldn’t figure out what to say. He just hugged him back. Alfred let go and took a deep breath.  
  
“Have you been eating?” Alfred looked him over.  
  
“I ate this morning,” Jason answered. Alfred gave him a look. “Pancakes.”  
  
“Will you be having lunch with us,” Alfred asked. Jason looked at Bruce. Bruce smiled and closed the hood of the batmobile.  
  
“Gonna pull your punches until we’re done eating,” Bruce asked. Jason shrugged.  
  
“I can’t make any promises.”


End file.
